Forcing myself to exercise

Today i manage to resume my yoga lessons after stopping for like a few months.... hehe... more like half a year.

I fidgeted, hesitated and literally drag and force myself to the class because i think i have been sitting too much, inactivity too much for too long. Can start to feel neck ache, back ache and all kind of aches that signals lack of exercise. Do you ever need to force yourself to exercise ? Its so hard, and i keep giving myself excuse not to go. Its like both the angel and demon within me waging a war... and I am psychologically torned apart.

There is a swimming pool the place i live, but i'd always find excuse for myself for not taking a dip in the pool. The weather is too cold - might catch cold, the sun is too hot - might get sunburn, too many ppl in the pool...... not in the mood for swim ..... these are among the excuses i gave myself not swimming.

Why do humans have to exercise to stay healthy ? ....will there be a future technology to make human stay healthy without exercising ? For lazy people like me, that sounds like heaven.

The silver lining.....

Every now and then, amidst the doom and gloom, there would be some inspiring events which made the world not seem so grey after all. Today's Barack Obama presidential win is just one of them. When what seemed like impossible happens, we feel like we can take on the world.

The impending financial crisis may not be so bad after all.

In near future, our country would no longer be racial-based, or talk about social contract, or be filled with religious fanatics.

Global warming would not seem so unstoppable after all.

The ecstasy may be short-lived ... but there is still hope yet in this world of ours.

Taking for granted what comes by easily

Last weekend, I had to tolerate a pregnant mom's whining. I sat for hours listending to the incessant complaints, worries and nagging about her impending loss of freedom, worry about about her expanding waistline, about the kid's babysitter fee. Children are gifts from God, and one should be grateful to receive such gift, rather than perceiving a kid as a financial and emotional burden. I tried to emphatized, but I can't.

It dawned to me - that when things comes too easily to us, it is usually taken for granted and not appreciated. It is the same when mom lay food on the table, and all we just had to to is open our mouth and eat -- we complain the food is not tasty enough.

When parents are granted with a child, they complain about the cost of raising a child. They complain about expensive baby sitters and loss of freedom and mobility. Parents worry that they cannot afford to send them to international schools, or send them to overseas tertiary education.

Stop for a second and think of the tears of those childless couple who yearn for a child of their own.

Stop for a minute to think of those couples who had to endure IVF or test tube, who had to allow needles and tubes to be poked into their body -- in vain to get a child.

Stop for a while to think of a father who can feed his 5 kids with a mere RM1000 monthly income.

Stop and think ... and all these worries would seem trivial in comparison, and when we realised its time to count our blessings.

Restless wait. ..

Sept 16 came and go. Nothing really happened. At least, not what I have been hoping for.

Sept 18 came and go too. Still same PM, same DPM, same plan. Malaysia's politics is so uninteresting now.

3 arrested under ISA, and 2 released upon public uproar.

All this waiting is making me restless... when is anything significant going to happen at all ? Patience is waning... where is Anwar and PKR leading Malaysia to ?

How granpa became a Christian

I never really know what actually transpired as what I know is based on hearsay. Granpa was a loose Taoist believer all his life, i would say. Not that he goes to temple a lot, nor is he the pious type. In his younger days, he used to smoke, drinks heavily and does not hesitate to use vulgar words to illustrate his emotions. Not a strongly religious person.

A few years ago, granpa got very sick, and i really meant very critically ill. He got a team of 5 doctors looking at his case, none of them bet on him to survive. For a few months, he was struggling for his life in ICU and semi-ICU, with tubes and wires emerging from his throat, nose and mouth, and hanging everywhere. It was terrible.

One of my uncles is a Christian, and he is the type of Christian who is convince that all non-believers will go to Hell. One day, when no one was around, he quietly brought a priest to granpa's bedside, talk to him, pray for him tell him about hell and heaven, and baptisted him on the spot. The rest of the family weren't Christian, and when they heard about the sneaky way Granpa was baptised, there was an uproar. Everyone was concerned whether granpa was in groggy or fully conscious when he agreed to convert ? That incident further alienate uncle with the rest of the family.

Gradually Granpa got better against all odds. He vaguely remembered about the baptise incident. He didnt really remember whether he agreed to convert or not. To granpa - a promise is a promise, as he did not want to risk evoking the wrath of God. Surprising everyone, he decided to attend church every sunday with uncle.

I was reading a blogger relating how she became an atheist, it was a honest article really. It reminded me of my granpa's experience, so I decided to share as well. For me, religion is a personal thing that cannot be force upon anyone. Personally I believe uncle and those christians folks meant well. But trying to convince someone who is at deathbed to change his/her religion, in the promise of heaven, is rather disturbing.

Spending a great weekend alone ...

Last weekend, I had myself pampered nicely in a manner that would leave most of my girl friends gaping in astonishment ... had they known what I did. My friends would think I am the extravagant one.

Saturday morning, i went yoga class and had my bones & muscles properly stretch and relax after one week's inactivity in office. Always feels good after a yoga class.

Then I googled for a good place for a haircut. They were many recommendations on Snips @ The Curve and Mofa @ Manjalara. Initially I thought of going for Snips. I ended up in Peek-A-Boo .. which was next door. I was pretty satisfied. At least much better than my last hairdresser at Kepong, which I decided to dump. RM55 - Slightly pricey, but its worth it coz I am sick of getting my hair messed up by "un-professionals".

Come Sunday morning, I woke up feeling my body aching all over ... maybe from yoga and also maybe because of heavy work of packing up. Never mind the reason - I gleefully felt that it was quite justifiable to get myself the nice massage that I had always wanted. I have never done a massage in KL. I had massages in Bangkok and Cambodia, but never in my own country. Asking my friends to recommend a good massage place would be out-of-the-question. Most likely than not, they would ask more questions rather than answer my question. So what do I do ? I search for online testimonials at websites like Malaysia Babes and Lowyat forum. Really quite a lot of discussion on this topic. I randomly picked that was recommended, Bodhi Sense @ Plaza Damas.

Bodhi Sense is a thai massage place, its quite a quiet nice place. The 1.5 hours session cost almost RM150. But what the heck, it feels so good. The masseur is a petite Thai girl, and she skilfully tries to massage away the stubborn knots on my neck. I'd always think that one of life's enjoyment of having a good massage. Massage increases one's endorphins level and sense of well-being.

After leaving the massage place, I ordered a simple Unagi Don and Cawan Mushi from Izakaya Ichiban @ Plaza Damas. It was really nice, have never tasted unagi that nice. The sauce is just slightly sweet and savoury enough. And the rice comes with 2 big servings of unagi. Totally unlike unagi don at Sakae Sushi or Sushi King, which has more egg slices than unagi. Totally satisfied my gastronomic appetite.

Conclusion, it is dangerous for a girl to wander out alone, lest there would be no one to control her weekend spendings. And I am supposed to feel quilty for such a heavy weekend spending, given that inflation and all. I am suppose to exercise some prudence in spending. To think of it, I don't mind being richer; then I won't need to sigh when I get my credit card bills.

What's in a mug ?

My favourite mug broke today.... sob..sob... :(

Perhaps the water was too hot, as I was holding it... it just split cleanly into 2 and crashed to the floor. I picked up the pieces, and attempted to piece it back.

My favourite mug was not just a mug. It has a Pentium 600Mhz logo printed on it. It represents a piece of my past. Those were the times when i was a rookie - idealistic, naive, honest, and trusting. Totally very green.

The mug reminded me of colleagues who were kind and helpful, and taught me how to fend for myself. I also remembered the colleagues who were bullying and abusive, who sought to make my life miserable every day. On hindsight, I am a stronger person today .... and I have them to thank for. Ever hear the line which reminds us that those who made us trip and fell, are the people who help us grow too.

Yea, I am gonna use some UHU and glue back my mug. Guess my mug wont be siting in my kitchen anymore. It will be sitting in my living room shelves for display instead. After all, I am a sentimental person.

What's real and what's not

There was people movement at the place where I worked. Unexpectedly, I was moved up to fill the vacuum .. call it a promo... moving up the ladder... temporary solution... or whatever you prefer to call it. Anyway, that's not what I want to dwell on today.

It is the obvious change in the way I get treated by my colleagues and customers that bothers me. People who dont usually lunch with me, now wants to lunch with me. Many more people drop by to chat with me, and I had to 'entertain' them when all I wanted to do was to finish the mountain of tasks at hand. People seems to be more polite than they were, i hear "t"s and "p"s so often that it is beginning to make me wiggle uncomfortably. More people pat my back, and shake my hands than I could remember.

It dawned to me how effortlessly humans adapt their behaviour and shift their attitude. Power attracts attention like magnet. With great power. comes great responsibility. I have no illusion about that. The day that you lose power, is the day all of these attention dissolves very quickly. In another way, this realisation upsets me.... and it continue to upset me for quite a few days.

It got me thinking... What happens to sincerity, true friendship, genuine camarade at workplace ? Does it not exist anymore ? How do I know what's real and what's not real ? Has my world transform into a unreal world like The Truman Show then ?

On tattoos and hypocrite ....

My brother came to me some day back, happily and obviously excited about the prospect that he is going to get a tattoo. He jabbered excitedly about not sure whether to tattoo it on his butt, his arm or his thigh.

I stared at him coldly, and said "Bro... are you out of ur mind ? You wanna engage in self mutiliation and make papa disown u, izzit ? " Whoosh... a whole bucket of ice-water poured over his head. The big smile on his face quickly disappeared, and you can see his excitement just fizzled off like a balloon. Trying to undo the damage, i lamely tried to console him ... "Maybe you can get the stick-ons ones. They are nice too."

And yes, my father is the kind who thinks that even highlighting one's hair is a unacceptable form of not appreciating what nature gave you. The idea of tattooing is definitely gonna make him drop his spectacles and choke over his cup of coffee. No way ....

But I did highlight my hair, and lied to my father about it. My father have a bit of colour blind. And I even thought of getting a tattoo for myself. Why then, was I so harsh on my poor brother ? I'd often thought it would be nice to have one nice tattoo on my hip. But the one time that I seriously comtemplated about getting a tattoo is when I was feeling down. My partner and I had our share of ups and downs in our relationship. At one point, when I look up, the sky looks gray all the time. The emotional pain within can only be allleviated by inflicting physical pain. Tattoo sounds like a good idea then. Its a weird idea that physical pain can contra out the emotional pain somehow. Its like some kind of psychological equation.

Fear is a good thing sometimes. The rational side of me won. But that makes me a hypocrite, doesn't it ?

Fading away ...

Last weekend I made a visit to my grandpa. It hurts to see grandpa look so frail and bony when he happily greet us at the door. He has been sick for some time. As mom and I were sorting thru his daily medicine intake, the packets of tablets, syrups on his daily menu is shocking. He is living on painkillers to make his journey bearable. I would have taken a picture of his medicine if I hadnt think it would be rude.

I was never granpa's favorite grandchild. Nor has he been my favorite grandparent. But that day, oddly I sense a strong loving affection from granpa. He was weak, croaking hoarsely but still try to upkeep his sense of humor. There was a strange warmth in his eyes that is only found when grandparents look at grandchildren.

This is all-the-more heartbreaking to see him wilting away in front of my eyes. Saying that granpa have not been a saint in his entire life, has to be an understatement. He has done many wrongs in his life. But at that particular moment, all that's past does not matter - all is forgiven.

To see someone wilting and fading away causes such pain....... when I can only offer my prayers.

And the drama continues ...

As if Altantuya's mystery case is not tantalizing enough, there comes Anwar's sodomy allegations. Saiful is either exceptionally courageous to take on the giants, or the alternative explanation is that he is just plain dumb to allow himself to be manipulated in this manner.

Rocky Bru have a interesting finding about this " Mr-23-year-old-Saiful-Nobody".... it seems that he is "Quite-a-Somebody" after all. He is the distant relative of Pak Lah. Then things made sense somehow. Its quite useless to try to hide your family tree.

A Total Lie & Fabrication ?

Whether or not the story spinning around Baginda, Najib, Rosmah, Pak Lah or SIL is true, the damage to his political career is done. Cruel as it sounds.

I wouldnt be surprise if somewhere in the future, there would be a award-winning novel or movie build on this plot. Sure would be interesting to know the ending, who is the good-guy, who is the bad-guy and most of all, who is the master-mind behind the whole scandal. Were these guys as innocent as they claim ? Were they framed or do they have blood on their hands ?

Please join Donation for Breast Cancer

I received email from an old friend of mine, who is now working and living in California. She will be taking a 60 mile walk for Breast Cancer, one of the major killer disease nowadays. I decided to support her courage to embark on this walk to commemorate her aunts who lost their battle to breast cancer.

I too, paused to grieve and think of the friends, relatives and acquaintances who lost their life to cancer.

I hope you will read her website here... be touched, and donate for a good cause as well.

Stirring Odissi - stirring some thoughts

I like art galleries.

Much as I would like to believe, but it isnt because I have much artistic gene running in my blood. I just find art galleries refreshing. Like a breath of fresh air. A fresh perspective.

While I was waiting for my date to turn up, the KLCC Petronas Art Gallery caught my attention. Must admit the free admission made it more interesting. I had plenty of time on hand, so I just strolled in. My first time there. Never knew why I never notice the place before. Too busy shopping, maybe.

The theme was Stirring Odissi. I have no idea what Odissi meant until i read the brochure. It's one of the 8 type of Indian classical dance style. There are quite a few life-size huge portraits that i liked. Portraits of people with expressive, big eyes, nice cheeks staring back at you from the wall - so full of life, so real, so emotional. It's hard to explain. One must see to feel it.

These is one of the few that I like - I scan it off the brochure, so the quality isnt so good.



I had a primary school classmate, her name is Annakilli. Her parents send her to learn traditional Indian dance since she was young. And she has the passion. Sometimes, she will tap her feet around dancing when teacher is not around. Almost every year's teachers day, she will be up there for a dance presentation. I think it is a good thing to send children to learn classical dance, lest the culture dies off.

I rarely hear of Chinese parents sending kids for traditional dance class. They are usually send for computer classes and mind mapping classes instead. Pragmatic bunch of people, perhaps ?

Movie Review : Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

Movie still retain the same cheeky old Indiana Jones flavour. But I must admit the flavour tasted better back then. Story line has no suprises. I guess, back then we were not so demanding.

My partner commented that The Kingdom of Crystal Skull is very much the English version of Hong Kong movie "Legend of the Golden Pearl" (卫斯理传奇) . Similar conspiracy. Same ending scene where the aliens went back home in a spaceship while Indy / Wesley watches on.

Fuel Increase ... for the better ?

From economics view, the removal of the fuel subsidy is a good thing. Subsidies and tax distorts the free market mechanism. All textbooks says that. Personally, I think it is true.

At this point, I sense that some people are ready to strangle me .. phew !

At a subsidized price, everyone continue to be in a comfort level, enjoying the fuel as if it is a renewable energy. There isnt an urge to change the lifestyle despite all the talk. This is just plain human nature.

Imagine this,

Fuel prices no longer subsidized, after the hoo-haa died down, people will do whatever they need to do to curb / reduce the usage of fuel. More people will be taking mass transportation. Then we'll have more disgruntled mass transportation users. When the collective voices are loud enough to call for an increase urgency for better mass transportation, then only our dear government will get things moving. Maybe the voice wasnt loud enough in the past or the govt is selectively deaf -- who knows.

In desperate times, human usually become more creative and resourceful, and performs his best. Maybe then, more automobiles will be designed to be more fuel efficient to meet market demands. Maybe then, solar cars will be in high demand in the country.

The silver lining for all these events could be a better / more efficient use of fuel and reduce the fuel/capita usage, and indirectly reduce the air pollution. Then indirectly reduce global warming issues. Aint this a good thing after all :)

Of coz .. they'll be a period of darkness before the end of the tunnel. Then again, if it is the right thing to do. It should be done.

Note : PM just announced the fuel price will increase to RM2.70 per liter.

Nothing wrong...

I pinched the entire collection of Sex & The City from a friend, and was addicted ever since. I started right from Season 1 and increasing pace until the Season 6 completed. The entire addiction lasted 3 weeks. I finished Season 1 to Season 6 in a single breath.

Hidden along the lines of comedy and sex, there was some issues that could related in real life, that touches the heart. That's why I think its so entertaining. Carrie with her Mr Big. Miranda with Steve. Samantha with Smith. Charlotte and Harry. Luckily all emotional struggle has a happy ending. I like happy endings.

For one, I think our society unfairly alienates single women, and have that attitude that she must be something wrong somewhere. I had always thought that this kind of attitude is more prevalent in Asian societies than Western societies. I've gotten all kinds of uncomfortable stares when I was eating out alone. I used to think that I'd rather starve than eat out alone. The good thing is one gradually acquire immunity over the years..... :)

After note :

A very interesting article from Newsweek worth reading. Sexism and the City : What's up with this vicious bashing of the 'Sex and the City' movie?

Personal Space

Personal space is a very important thing that I had took for granted until recently.

Usually I come home from work, I will head for the shower or sofa and enjoy that "I am home" relaxing moment. Dinner will usually come later.

I have missed that quiet moment since my family came for a short stay last week. After I kicked off my shoes, i notice my mom was cooking in the kitchen, my brother is watching TV and my papa is occupying the bathroom. There was no place I could go to hide myself. There was a small sense of loss of personal space, somehow.

I'd always admire those people who can live with a lot of people in the house. How do they find their personal space ? Doesn't everyone need space ? Or is it considered a luxury ? I wonder ...

Some parents would be offended if their children is working in the same city and chose to get a place on their own; or at least I know mine would take it as a very serious personal insult. It takes time to learn to live on your own. Even two person living together requires some adjustment. More than two person living together .... hmmm.... that's tricky equation.

Of My Paranoia ....

I would like to think that most people have some sort of phobias of their own. That, somehow, makes me feel better.

Lift Phobia - After the last episode, I always quietly pray that the lift might not drop all the way down. Its a torture coz i gotta take lift to get home and gotta take lift to get to office. So the scare becomes a daily ritual.

Height Phobia -Afraid of heights since I was born. But its been improving since. I am now staying at high-rise building at 20th floor.

Needle Phobia - I would do anything to avoid the needles poking into my skin. The fear is worse than the pain. I remember feigning sick when the nurses came to school for German Measles jab during Standard 6. I told teacher I had fever. The happiness did not last, the subsequent week, the nurse and needles came again... and I was one of the few who had to get the jab over with. There was no running-away. Over the years I had 3 minor operations, try as I might, there was no running away. So I gotta grow up and face it.

Garbage Room Phobia - This is my latest phobia. I stay in a condo, and at every floor there is a Garbage Room. It is a small room located in front of the lifts and has a big, black garbage bin inside. We are suppose to throw our garbage bags inside. Everytime I push open the heavy door, I half expected to see someone .. a thief,addict, or some psycho fella hiding inside the little dark room. When I am certain there is no one else in the room, except me and the big bin, I proceed to lift open the big, bin lid. Another round of anticipation ... as I half-expected to see some gory thing inside. ( a result of watching too many horror movies ) So it is usually dump-and-run situation. Sure hate to take rubbish out.

Movie Review : The 11th Hour

I just finished watching The 11th Hour over the weekend. It was unlike any of the movies we watch at cinemas, its a documentary narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio. No wonder it did not made it to Malaysia cinemas... the cinema operators would be losing money coz its a pretty long and factful documentary, and there are too many people giving lectures.

Nevertheless, this is a good one that I would recommend everyone to watch. The first movie of this sort that I have watched was The Inconvenient Truth by US Former Vice President Al Gore. The 11th Hour is the second DVD that I watched relating to global warming and environmental crisis.

Its call the 11th hour bcoz human does not have much time left. I like the part where Leonardo says human tend to perceive events in a silo manner.. the Tsunami Disaster, Hurricane Katrina, and recently China's earthquake, Myanmar's Cyclone. Even Malaysia is no longer a safe haven with the recent earthquake at Tawau. All these are mere symptoms that our earth is sick, and something has to be done quickly.

The content is good, however it will be more effective if they film it like Armageddon kinda movie. In that way, the global warming disastrous effect will be better understood.

I particularly like the idea where every building must be self-sustainable, like a tree. A tree uses soil and sunlight to generate O2. Then when its leaf wither, it falls to the ground, and is absorb back by the tree as fertiliser. Similarly, each building must be like a tree. The future buildings must be able to generate energy from sunlight and wind or other renewable sources. Buildings would also have the ability to reuse waste and generate it back.

A very hopeful and interesting idea, dont you think so ?